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Growing Up

Are You An Über-Parent?

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mother and daughter
A reader of ours shared an interesting article published in The Independent last week (thanks, David) and indeed, it was a thought-provoking piece that led to this post. The article is entitled “Over-parenting is the curse of our time.” Basically, the premise is that more and more parents in the UK are doing more than what is expected of them as parents. Indeed, they are behaving in such a way that they are stifling their children and robbing them of the chance to live their lives normally.

How so? The article relates how children who are over-parented (if there is such a word) and cannot deal with what life dishes out to them on their own. Technology and society, as a whole, do no seem to be helping out in this matter – cell phones, for example, become tools for parents to hold on tight to their children all the more.

So what do I think about this? I can see the truth behind the article’s ideas. Indeed, I have met a lot of people – both parents and children – who are in this situation. An adult of 21 could very well be on his own two feet but instead is tied to his mum’s apron strings. I am not sure about what the article says regarding this situation being more common in rich families, though. I believe that over-parenting can happen with the middle class as well. After all, it is not merely money that dictates this overwhelming sense of protectiveness. It is the parents’ desire to make sure that everything goes on well with their child’s life.

Being as protective as I am, I am glad that I read this article. I just hope that I won’t end up being an über-parent.

Originally posted on February 12, 2008 @ 7:17 am

Keeping Up With The Joneses (in Kindergarten)

By

DD

Yes, the unsavoury phenomena of “keeping up with the Joneses” has already started to rear its ugly head at my daughter’s kindergarten, and we Mothers have become accomplices.

At the age of 4-5, my daughter (and indeed her classmates) has become increasingly aware of what her friends have, prompting the need for her to have whatever it is too.

Take Rose, for instance, her classmate who is obviously over-indulged by her parents. She comes to school in a new outfit nearly every day, and her toy collection at home could rival Hamleys. N tells me that Rose does not have a strict bedtime (she can sleep anytime she wants, which is usually at 1 am with her Mother) and can have new toys any day of the week. The unfairness of it all!!

To a child’s eyes, Rose has hit the jackpot, but to us Moms (well, maybe not Rose), its a clear sign for the road to Veruca-ville. So every week, theres something N wants that one of her friends have got, or worse, a slighty envious comparison on how so-and-so’s bedroom/kitchen…house is bigger than ours. Luckily, even if we have a tiny flat in town, we have a massive garden at our beach property, so N takes pride in that.

I just cant help but feel somewhat scared of this burgeoning materialism at such young age. Kids nowadays have too many things, and its the fault of us parents for buying them for whatever reason – guilt? making up for what we may have lacked as kids? or maybe we’re also keepiing up with the Joneses?

Originally posted on May 16, 2007 @ 12:46 pm

The Feast of The Three Kings

By

dd

Growing up, my family always celebrated the three kings day, or the Epiphany. We knew it as the day the three kings (also known as the Magi) would be passing our home, traveling back from Bethlehem, and if we were good and left our shoes by the window, they would fill it with candy.

Aside from that though, it really marked the end of the holiday season, as the day after we would start packing away the Christmas tree, lights and all the decorations. Since we’ve had kids, its become another holiday passed down for our kids to remember, and this year, we’ve even been invited to a three kings party at the local Spanish club. Apparently in Spain, the three kings day (which actually falls on January 6th) is a pretty big deal. Heres how they celebrate it there:

” While most of the world has already begun packing up the Christmas ornaments, throwing out the tree, and finding a place for all of their gifts, Spaniards are continuing the celebration. January 6, Three King�s Day, is the long awaited day in which the three Kings bring their gifts. On January 5, children go to a parade where they see the three kings arrive to their city, and take the opportunity to ask them for gifts. Later, before going to bed, children leave their shoes out in a visible spot in the house or on their balcony, y go to bed hoping that when they wake up they will find gifts left by Mechior, Gaspar, and Balthasar. For breakfast or after lunch, families often have the typical dessert of the day, the �Rosc�n de los Reyes�, a large ring shaped cake that is decorated with candied fruits, symbolic of the emeralds and rubies that adorned the robes of the three kings. Somewhere inside the cake there is a surprise, and the person to find it will be crowned King or Queen of the house for the remainder of the day. ”

[tags]three kings, epiphany, Spain[/tags]

Originally posted on January 4, 2007 @ 9:24 pm

The Land Of Birthdays

By

dd

With Christmas, New Year’s and The Three Kings come and gone, most parents are sighing with relief that the frenzy of decorating, shopping, cooking, organizing and so on is officially over. NOT at our household. Why? Because in a couple of weeks time, I’ll have to be sending out the invites for BOTH by kids’ birthdays, which means more shopping, more cooking and a lot of organizing. Sigh.

My two childrens’ birthdays are one day apart. It could have been on the same day (owing to a scheduled c-section for baby # 2), but due to a mass consensus by friends and family around the globe, we decided that having their own special days would probably be what they would want later on. Two years later, I can’t help but wonder if we made the right decision. Surely a “same birthday” would mean one day of festivities (okay, two if it falls on a weekday and so theres the actual one plus the party?) rather than the double/quad celebrations I will face for the next 20 years (or more?).

Not that I’m complaining. If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll be able to tell by now that I’m the kind of Mom who just thrives on creating happy (indulgent?) childhood memories. Unbirthday parties, crafts and baking, and frequent special “mommy day” at the mall complete with a toy, ice cream and a ride on the carousel. So, a party (or two) with all the trimmings is indeed de rigeur in my household.

In my 5 years as a parent, I’ve learnt the ins and outs of birthday planning the hard way, which includes various mistakes like a too-hard treasure hunt (where the kids couldnt find one dang clue) and inviting too many big kids (when the Barney mascot got mauled at my daughter’s 2nd) to name but a few. Last year’s bash, where my daughter turned 4 and my son 1, was a Powerpuff/Rowdyruff swimming party complete with puppet show and PPG mascot (who thankfully did not get mauled but did a very weird dance that made me nervous). It was nowhere as insane as my daughter’s 2nd (the one with the over-8’s), but it was still pretty crazy. And even if they shared the “big party” (not easy to do theme-wise with a girl and a boy, mind you), we still had to do 2 other ” actual day” celebratory planning. This year, I hope to put some of what I’ve learnt to good use and stay small and simple.

So on that note, and those two uber-special days in February drawing near, let me welcome you to The Land Of Birthdays here at the Parenting Blog!! (if you hate birthdays, please stay away from this blog because this WILL be my obsession for the next few weeks).

[tags]Birthdays, kids parties[/tags]

Originally posted on January 10, 2007 @ 10:10 pm

Is it time to buy a Playstation?

By

ww

I’ve never been into video games, which probably explains why I’ve always told N that she wouldnt be allowed a Gameboy or the like until she was 10 years old. So imagine my annoyance when at the family Christmas get-together, my 11-year-old half sister (who N adores) lent N her Gameboy, and N was entranced, showing that she clearly had some talent despite being only 5-years-old.

Then a few days ago, her friend Rose (as mentioned in the previous post) brings the latest Gameboy to school, which was a present for her birthday. It was the envy of all the kids at school, especially N. Noticing this when I picked her up from school that day, I gently (but firmly) reminded her that she wasnt getting one until she was 10. She was very-grown up about it, as if resigned to her fate….

Now feeling guilty, I spoke to my husband about it (who, has been desperate for N to be old enough to play video games with him, a hobby he gave up when we had the kids). He said that if we had a “big one” (i.e. something he can play too) at the beach house, which she can only play on weekends or holidays, then MAYBE we can bend this rule a bit. Hmmmmmmm…….

The jury’s not out on thus, but I didn find an interesting article about ways parents can make video games “good” for kids, which I’ll be blogging about next.

Originally posted on April 18, 2007 @ 10:55 am

Somebody Isnt A Mother

By

ss

Much as I enjoy my blogging, I have to admit that sometimes it gets tiresome to see my own thoughts on this blog every single day. Which is the reason why I like to spare myself (and whoever else reads this) of me-itis ramblings by posting little bits and bobs, such as the previous post, and this one below.

It wasnt written by me, but its so utterly familiar in my life as a parent, that I feel I could have written it too. Well, some of it at least.

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby … somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a mother, “normal” is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct, somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring … somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver’s permit.

Somebody said if you’re a “good” mother, your child will “turn out good”… somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said “good” mothers never raise their voices …somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the
neighbor’s kitchen window.

Somebody said you don’t need an education to be a mother…. somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can’t love the second child as much as you love the first … somebody doesn’t have two children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books….somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery….somebody never watched her “baby” get on the bus for the first day of
kindergarten or on a plane headed for military “boot camp.”

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back….somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies
to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married….somebody doesn’t know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother’s heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother’s job is done when her last child leaves home….somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don’t need to tell her…. somebody isn’t a mother.

Originally posted on March 10, 2007 @ 9:44 pm

Sad News For The Nanny

By

ss

This morning, when I got back home from dropping N at kindergarten, I came home to find Jennyfer, our nanny, suddenly scream out and start weeping.

We rushed to her, only to find that she had received word from her sister, that her baby neice had died today. Tragic and sad, but whats worse is that the same sister had a four-year old who also passed away a few years ago, and the most likely reason for both deaths was poverty.

When I spoke to Jennyfer and asked her what had brought this tragedy about, she simply said that her sister and family simply did not have enough money to see a doctor, to buy medicine, and in recent weeks did not even have enough for rice.

I was mortified, asking her why didn’t she ask us for help? That of course we would help her family if only she has told us. In between sobs she just looked shyly at me, obviously grief-stricken and even a little ashamed.

Jennyfer’s family, you see, live in the province of Leyte in the Philippines, and she supports her 9 siblings and parents, being the only one with a job at 22 years of age. Jobs and affordable or free medical help are rare in the area, and sadly, many children and infants die an early death.

On the upside, infant mortality rates in the Philippines have declined a little, by around 2% since 2003 – with 22.81 deaths for every 1,000 births. Nevertheless, it was with a heavy heart that I gave her some money to send back to her sister this morning, money for the funeral and some rice, wishing that we could have somehow helped save this child’s life.

Originally posted on March 14, 2007 @ 8:26 am

Watch What Your Kids Are Doing Online (part 2)

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gshutch.jpgThe other day, I wrote a short intro about “Web 2.0” applications, particularly blogs and social networking sites. Actually I feel like I’m preaching to the choir, since if you’re reading this, you are most probably aware of blogs and blogging. Still, it’s best to cover all our bases. A lot of people may know about the so-called new media, but are still not as vigilant about online security as they should be.

For those with kids in the adolescent to young adult ages, blogs and social networking sites can prove to be risky in terms of privacy and security. These sites, by nature, are used to share one’s experiences and identity online. Social networking sites, for instance, commonly feature personal profiles and photographs of the account owner. Blogs, meanwhile, can contain journal or diary-like entries, such as the author’s private thoughts, and what happened in the course of a day.

It’s just like taking a peek into a person’s mind, and knowing his/her thoughts, habits, problems, and other details–maybe even contact information and home addresses!

There are those who can use these information the wrong way. There may be predators, stalkers, and other people with malicious intent. And they can take advantage of the innocence of young individuals and do bad, abusive stuff online, or worse, they can bring it offline!

Next, I’ll share some tips on how to avoid being a target.

Originally posted on February 11, 2007 @ 12:01 pm

The Importance of Routines (part 2)

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routines2.pngOkay, so last time I gave a brief introduction on the importance of routines. These routines that kids (and families) should follow aren’t exactly supposed to be rigid and time-based, but instead predictable sequences of events. These help kids have a concept of time and handle such situations with confidence.

I mentioned about my own routines. Working at home, my daily routine usually involves my younger daughter, “C” who is two years old. Every morning, we drive mom and her older sister, “P” to preschool (my wife works as a teacher in my daughter’s school).

When we get back home, I usually check my emails and catch up on the blogs I read. C then watches morning cartoons. By about 10 a.m., she would feel sleepy and I would get to bed with her until she sleeps. I then take this opportunity to freshen up and tidy up whatever mess we’d done, after which I try to start doing some work online.

By noontime, C would have already awaken, and by this time we would drive out to pick up mom and P from school.

I think this morning routine is very important since it helps establish to C that we need to have some time to work on our respective activities each morning. For me, it’s starting with work (remember, I work at home), and for her, catching up with her sleep with the morning nap. It also establishes our togetherness, particularly when I take her to bed when she’s already sleepy.

Occasionally, I would break the routine of my having to work. I would play with C and watch TV with her until she gets tired of me and goes on to play by herself. Sometimes instead of heading straight home, I’d bring C to a caf� and I would work on my laptop while she enjoys pastries and watches people.

I think kids do appreciate knowing what to expect in the course of a day, and knowing to also appreciate some changes when called-for.

Originally posted on February 5, 2007 @ 2:12 pm