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spanking

To Spank Or Not To Spank?

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For as long as anyone can remember, disciplining children has been a hot parenting topic. I think that we can all agree that we need to instill discipline and values in our children. The question lies in the method. How do we discipline our children? What is the right way? Is there even a right and wrong way?

For some, the Biblical principles of not sparing the rod apply. I have to admit that I see value in this principle. It has been tried and tested over the ages, and as long as certain guidelines are followed, it is quite effective in showing children that actions have consequences, and that they will have to face those consequences.

Spanking, however, has its detractors. Indeed, recent studies have shown that spanking just might prove to be harmful under certain circumstances. An article published in Pediatrics (the official journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics) earlier this week states that spanking young children might increase their risk for aggressive behavior in their later years. Here are the official results of the study:

Frequent use of CP (ie, mother’s use of spanking more than twice in the previous month) when the child was 3 years of age was associated with increased risk for higher levels of child aggression when the child was 5 years of age (adjusted odds ratio: 1.49 [95% confidence interval: 1.2–1.8]; P < .0001), even with controlling for the child's level of aggression at age 3 and the aforementioned potential confounding factors and key demographic features.

Bottom line: the study provides huge support to the followers of the no spanking principle.

My question is this: should we throw away the idea of spanking because of the study?

We are all still entitled to our own opinions. I am sure that there are those of you who are nodding their heads right now, agreeing with the study. I have to say, however, that I do not think that we should do away with spanking. It has a purpose, and done the right way, teaches children a lot of things.

I believe that in order for spanking to serve its purpose, we have to take note of these things:

1. There should be no sense of anger involved. We are disciplining our children to teach them a lesson, not to vent.
2. The child being disciplined should understand why he is being spanked. This is another reason parents should not spank their kids when they’re angry. The idea of cause and effect, actions and consequences, should be explained to the child being disciplined.
3. The parent should not fail to show the child being disciplined that he/she is loved despite the fact that he is being spanked. Again, this is part of the whole process. The child should understand that he is being taught a lesson, not in anger or hatred, but because it is part of growing up.

That’s my take on the spanking issue. What about you?

Originally posted on April 18, 2010 @ 9:14 am

Top 5 Parenting Issues And My Take On Them

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We don’t call being a parent the toughest job on earth for nothing, do we? Any parent knows that this job can very well take all that you’ve got to give – and then some. New parents will also learn – very quickly, I must add – that they will be judged no matter what they do. From feeding habits to toys to education – these issues will always be raised, and controversy is not far behind. Here are some of the top parenting issues today (at least based on my experience) and what I think of them. Don’t hesitate to join in the conversation and let me know what you think!

#1: Spanking
I’ve already written a post on this, and I know just how divided parents are over the issue. Some experts say that spanking can cause children to become more aggressive as adults, while others think that disciplining them in this manner can make them understand the principle of consequences. I lean towards the latter, as long as it is clear that the emphasis is on discipline and not punishment. I know a LOT of people who were spanked as kids and turned out pretty well as adults. 😉

#2: Co-sleeping
Ahh, children need their own beds and their own bedrooms, right? Proponents of co-sleeping highlight the fact that children do need a psychological blanket, and parents serve as that. However, co-sleeping presents various problems: risk of asphyxiation for young kids, too much dependency, etc. I think that co-sleeping is fine from time to time, but it must not become a habit. You would want your kids to grow up learning how to sleep alone, wouldn’t you?

#3: Medication for behavioral problems
These days, a lot of children seem to be diagnosed for ADD and other similar problems. There are doctors who will not hesitate to prescribe medication to treat certain conditions. Should you immediately take their advice? I am a staunch believer in the power of medicine, but I would hesitate if my child were to be prescribed medication for behavioral problems. I’ll get a second, even a third, opinion; and then look for treatment options that do not involve medication.

#4: Breast feeding
The general consensus is the breast feeding is still best for babies (and mommies). Medically speaking, there is no point for debate. However, breast feeding simply doesn’t work for some women. My take is that we should breast feed when we can, and if it doesn’t work, then use formula. Simple.

#5: Underage drinking
My stand on this is very clear: no alcohol till you’re of age. Some parents bank on the premise that the kids are going to do it outside of the house anyway, so might as well allow them to do it at home. At least they can keep an eye on the kids, right? I don’t buy that, do you?

So, let’s get the ball rolling. What are your thoughts on these issues?

Originally posted on April 29, 2010 @ 2:48 am